I’ve always fantasized about domination and submission, but I’d say more of my fantasies have revolved around being submissive–letting an aggressive man do with me what he will as I feel helpless beneath his power.
But, I have also fantasized about being dominant, though until I met Nick, those imaginings remained only fantasies locked up in the dark corners of my mind.
For Nick and me, domination slides into BDSM, because that is his fantasy. He enjoys the complete vulnerability that my painful domination gives him, and the overwhelming desire to be close that follows his “punishment.”
But it’s always been a challenge for me to reconcile the “slippery slope” of domination into cruelty, and I have not been comfortable with finding pleasure in causing someone pain. But note, I do find pleasure in it.
Is it because it gives me pleasure to give Nick such pleasure? Or is there really something inside me that finds pleasure in pain?
I’m drawn to Nick’s balls anyway, but when he begins to moan softly, I can’t help but squeeze them, spank them lightly. He moans. Moves closer to me. Calls me his mistress.
And so, I squeeze harder. I pull his balls up and press my thigh against them to hold them in place, then spank harder, until he cries out.
I’m empowered and want to control him. I press on, drawn to bring out his complete desire.
Often, when his cock is so hard it’s ready to explode, he asks if he can touch himself. Or, he begs to enter me. Sometimes I say “yes,” sometimes I say “no.” But always, always, he obeys me, and again, I feel power.
And that makes me hurt him more. Hit hard. Pinch his balls. Bite them. Pull them.
He cries out. Wants to protect himself. But if I haven’t already tied his hands, I make him hold the bed post.
And he does.
And there you have the slippery slope to cruel domination.
This morning as Nick and I lay in bed, as usual, I began to caress his balls. I began to follow my usual pattern of pleasure’s metamorphosis to pain, gentle to rough, until when, I lifted my hand to slap his balls, he winced. He always does. But this morning, I paused in that tiny, anticipatory second between the rise of my hand and slapping. Like the space between inhale and exhale, there is great power in that moment.
I whispered to Nick, “I want you to carry this moment of anticipation–your question of just how hard I will slap you–with you all day. If you get frustrated with a client, think of this moment. When you miss me, think of this moment. Because the slap will come . . . later.”
Then, I told him about the power I feel when he thrills at my domination and asked if his balls were sore from the pain (so intense last night, he had to use his “safe” word.) When he said “No,” I called his balls stubborn–almost as stubborn as I.
And that brings me to the reason for the title of this post, “The War of the Doms.” Because as you’ll recall, there’s the other side of my fantasy–when I want to be dominated.
Nick has commented before that I can be resistant–even stubborn–when it comes to giving up my power to him. It’s true, and I find it kind of curious, since my fantasies have primarily revolved around my being submissive. But sometimes I tease, even challenge him as he tries to dominate me. A few times, I’ve even reminded him that I’m the Mistress, and he only dominates me because I let him.
So, when I told Nick about the growing power I feel every time I dominate, I pondered the conundrum of the War of the Doms. If my inner Dominatrix continues to blossom–well, explode–what will Nick need to resort to to get my inner Submissive under control?
All I know is, when my love left for work this morning, I was alone to ponder two questions:
- Why do I find pleasure in pain–especially causing pain to the man I love?
- In the War of the Doms–Nick vs. Elise–who will win?
At least I can answer that second question. Because there are no losers in this battle, and to both victors go the spoils.