With the publication of our books about our cuckolding experiences, we’ve started to get some questions about the ambivalence associated with the real world of cuckolding.
I thought I’d share a few of those questions and my answers: (6/4/15 Update: I decided to ask Nick for his answers and have added them below!)
Question: How did you get interested in cuckolding and the hotwife lifestyle?
Elise: Although I fantasized about group sex, I didn’t get into cuckolding until I met Nick, which was two years ago. From the beginning, he told me his fantasies. Though I found it strange at first, that he wanted to share me with other men, later, I began to tell him fantasy stories about me cuckolding him.
Finally, I decided to give it a try in the real world, and found a bull on my own. One day, I texted Nick and told him I had a date.
I had no idea it would turn him on as much as it did. That night, when I got home, we fucked through the night and he came six times. Add that to the three times the bull came, and as you can see, it was a hot, hot night!
Nick: I’ve been interested in it since I was 17. I always had fantasies of my partner having sex with another guy. I think it started when I heard a story about our high school quarterback’s girlfriend. She’d found out he cheated on her. They were at a party one night and she snuck off with a guy and gave him a blow job. Afterwards she quickly found her boyfriend, gave him a big kiss and asked, “How does that taste?”
I think the fantasy keeps me in touch with the reality that Elise is a free woman, with her own strong sexual desires. I’m fortunate that she directs them at me.
Question: I want my girlfriend to be more open to cuckolding, but she still has some concerns. How did you find your way to a hotter sex life?
Elise: Nick and I have always had a very hot sex life. We played with fantasies and toys from the very beginning. We both came from sexless marriages, and had pretty much given up on ever having a sex life again.
But when we met, we were electric, and we realize it takes a lot of imagination and creativity to keep it hot. We’re both thankful we found each other.
Give your girlfriend some time. The most important thing to realize is that fantasy is different from reality. You’ll both be dealing with a lot of real feelings that maybe you won’t anticipate. That’s what Nick and I discovered. You will need to talk about it–a lot. I’m think Nick and I will play with cuckolding again, but probably only at sex clubs, and not with an ongoing relationship. It’s too complicated.
And for now, it’s very hot just whispering cuckold fantasies in his ear as he fucks me. 🙂
Nick: Listen to her concerns. She is not openly saying “no,” so the first step is to assure her you care about her concerns. I tell Elise over and over that I only want her to do this if she wants to do it. It’s fine that a part of her loves that it turns me on so much but there also needs to be something about cuckolding that she likes, that turns her on, otherwise it’s not going to work.
The most important thing is that she knows she can back out at any time. A lot of Elise’s concerns are about how I’m really going to feel. I think deep down she has a hard time believing I’d really cherish hearing her tell me, “I really wanted him. I loved the way he sucked on my nipples. His cock was so thick I had an orgasm when he was in me. You’ve never done that.”
We found our way to hotter sex by being honest and respectful. I’ve never been so sexually open with a woman I love. Chastity has also helped. I don’t ever orgasm unless I am with Elise. My sexuality runs through her and our relationship. I no longer masterbate unless she wants to watch me do it. Under her rather conservative, serious, quiet nature, Elise is a very sexual woman who loves being desired. If there’s a basic turnon she has about cuckolding, it’s that she gets to be desired by another man.
You don’t need to jump all the way in to cuckolding but can work toward it in fantasy play. Your girlfriend could make up a story about a hot guy she noticed at work, text you that she coming home late from work because she has a date, or even get on one of those anonymous chat lines and have some hot talk with a stranger while you listen. You could also create an agreement that for a period of time you’ll pretend, you’ll play at cuckolding, but no actual sexual intercourse will take place between her and another guy.
Question: What’s too complicated about an ongoing cuckold relationship ?
Elise: I don’t want any feelings involved on either side. THAT’S when I feel like I’m cheating. And although Nick would like me to be with someone I care about and who cares about me, he does deal with feelings of jealousy, and I don’t want to deal with that. For me, it takes all of the fun out of it. Also, as I said, both Nick and I have had relationships where the partner fell in love and wouldn’t let go. That’s the last thing I want. That’s why I’d rather have it be a one-time event, at a sex club or something. We get the thrill, but none of the hassle.
Nick: I’m not for a cuckold lifestyle. I could see us possibly, possibly having a bull who was tuned into what we wanted, played with us every once in a while and then it was over. He’d have to be a pretty mature, down-to-earth guy who had a solid life and who we both trusted, and who completely understood and respected our boundaries.
Even if we found him, for me, cuckolding is an erotic/submissive space I go to with Elise, that space has a beginning and end for both of us and then we go back to being exclusive and equals.
Really what we want is a mfm threesome, with a guy who might be somewhat dominant to touch Elise’s submissive side, who is hot for her and I watch or wait outside submissively. Some would say that doesn’t make me a true cuckold, but anything more than that, at least at this point, and I’d struggle with jealousy, insecurity and want to know everything Elise was saying and doing with him. Elise wouldn’t want to deal with that. She’d shut it down and I don’t blame her.
Watch for more questions and answers later!
For now, if you’re interested in knowing more about our journey, we’ve written it all down in our “creative non-fiction/memoir” about our cuckolding experiences. Click on the book covers below to purchase the Kindle versions from Amazon.