Though Nick and I have continued to experiment and play with cuckolding, it’s been over two years since my last post. Hard to believe. I guess it has to do with feeling slightly burned out by the long discussions Nick and I often had after a scene–discussions about what went right and, more heavily weighted, what went wrong.
I’ve written about the ambivalence I sometimes feel about cuckolding in previous posts. On one hand, I love the scenes–the excitement of a new man and especially, I love to see Nick so turned on. On the other hand, I find myself trying to ignore the ever-present question, “If Nick loves me, how can he want me to fuck another man?”
Much of the discussion Nick and I have had over the last two years has to do with finding a “bull” that satisfies both of our desires. Nick most looks for dominance in a bull. He wants a man who will take control, whether it’s control of me, Nick or both of us. His fear with a bull is that there will be secrets that could put a wedge between us.
My ideal bull is a man with whom I can establish a relationship. I don’t know if it’s true for most women, but for me, sex is hottest when there’s mutual affection. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a “sex toy” during the scene, but not so much when it’s over.
So, you can see how Nick’s and my ideas of an ideal bull clash, and it’s been big challenge for us to find a man who is “just right” for both of us.
In the last two years, we’ve met men on FetLife, we’ve chatted on Kik and met a few in person. We even visited a sensual/erotic masseuse–and then fucked.
Here are a few of the reasons those bulls didn’t work out:
- The bull was in a relationship and his partner didn’t know about his “other” life. (That a “no-no” for us.)
- The bull was too dominant and persistent.
- There wasn’t enough of an attraction.
- In a variety of ways, Nick felt several bulls try to put a wedge between us.
Honestly, I was ready to throw in the towel and even cancelled my FetLife account–tired of trying to find “just right.” I mean, this was supposed to be fun, and often, it wasn’t.
But after several cuckold-free months passed, I told Nick that if he wanted to pursue finding another bull again, he’d have “search” and send me the ones he thought I’d be interested in.
His site of choice was Swing Lifestyle, and it was kind of fun to let him “do the work,” and filter bulls and send me the ones he thought I’d like.
Sometimes, after reading the profile and viewing pictures, I replied, “Really? No.”
But most of the time, I said, “Give him my email address,” and the bull and I would start corresponding. If I liked what he had to say, we’d meet for a drink. In more cases than not, we didn’t get any further than that.
I know. I’m a very picky cuckoldress. But then came Mr. B.
Of course, you’ll have to read Part II for the rest of the story.