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Cuckold vs. Affair

When Nick and I first started thinking about making our cuckold fantasies real, he had a hard time understanding why, if I could cheat on my ex-husband, I had any discomfort with cuckolding. I even asked myself why I wouldn’t be thrilled with the opportunity to have sex with other men, and be able to be out in the open with Nick about it.

Recently, I’ve also had a discussion with a FetLife ((I’m Elise-Sanders on FetLife) friend on this topic, so I’ve thought a lot about it. Here’s what I wrote to my friend, which pretty much follows along with how Nick and I have discussed it, too:

Nick and I have talked a lot about the difference between an affair and a cuckold. There was a time when he thought the two were the same, and he didn’t understand why, if a woman can have an affair, she wouldn’t be comfortable cuckolding. (We had this discussion when we were talking about whether or not to make cuckolding real. He didn’t understand why, if I could have an affair, I’m not comfortable cuckolding.)

It’s an excellent question, and one that perhaps you’ve asked yourself with regard to your wife’s affair. Here’s what I told Nick, and I can only speak for myself, but I wonder if it’s the same for many women:

What drove me to have my affair was a need for something that I wasn’t getting from my husband, whether it was physical or emotional intimacy, or acceptance for who I was, etc. The affair was mine. Well, mine and the other man’s. My ex-husband played no part in it, and in fact, I think it comforted me to have my own little world with this other man-a world that didn’t include my ex-husband.

So, there’s the difference. As I see it, a primary part of the cuckolding fetish is for the woman to share everything with her husband, perhaps even humiliate him with the prowess of her lover. But the main thing is SHARING. If an affair is an escape, that’s the last thing the woman will want to do is share her private world, her escape, from perhaps the very thing she’s trying to escape from.

I also thought some more about it in the last few nights. If I’d had an affair on Nick that had been secret, but he somehow found out, whether I later admitted it or he found out on his own, I’d carry a lot of guilt about it. (Just as I still do about my affair in my previous marriage.) If the affair hurt him in any way, I don’t care how much he tried to convince me that cuckolding turned him on, I wouldn’t be able to do it without a lot of guilt and concern that it would remind him of my affair.

Worse yet, I would probably do it for him, because I’d feel I owed it to him because I had the affair. This, in turn, would cause a lot of internal resentment on my part. That’s a relationship-killer and it only grows inside. Believe me–I’ve experienced it.

Nick and I have played with cuckolding, both in real life and in fantasy, but I haven’t had an affair with Nick, which I think makes it easier. Still, as many have said in other writings on FetLife, real life cuckolding is different from fantasy.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts. If you’ve had an affair, did it change how you feel about cuckolding?

Nick and Elise’s Sexcellent Adventures: The Cuckold
Nick and Elise’s Sexcellent Adventures: Return of the Bull

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Throwback Thursday: Elise’s First Orgasm

IMG_6648 (2)This afternoon, I commanded the Zirton to tickle my fancy, get me off, make me cum, give me an orgasm. (We call my favorite vibrator the Zirton, because he looks like a Martian, don’t you think?)

While I basked in my post-orgasmic afterglow, it occurred to me that today is Thursday–Throwback Thursday. That, in turn, made me laugh, thinking about my first orgasm.

I was but a wee lass and though, of course I knew about the birds and the bees, I’m not so sure I knew much about orgasms, or that I was capable of having one, because what I do remember was the shock when “it” arrived. (The very pleasant shock!)

dpp_hand_massager

I remember pulling a monster that looked something like this out of my parents’ nightstand drawer. Of course, I massaged my back first, then my thighs. Then, I must have been curious about how it would feel between my legs, so I let it rest there, ever so lightly, because as you may know, these contraptions have a mean buzz.

 

Oh, it felt damn good. So, I figured I’d let it linger there for a bit.

Then…OMG! Something warm-wonderful-hot-and-electric, vibrated and buzzed and sizzled through me–the most incredible feeling I’d ever had.

I was shocked. Thrilled. Awed by the feeling.

My life would never be the same, and there was nothing left but to do it again. And I did. Again and again and again.

Tell me about your first orgasm!

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The Cuckoldress Couch

With the publication of our books about our cuckolding experiences, we’ve started to get some questions about the ambivalence associated with the real world of cuckolding.

I thought I’d share a few of those questions and my answers: (6/4/15 Update: I decided to ask Nick for his answers and have added them below!)

Question: How did you get interested in cuckolding and the hotwife lifestyle?

Elise: Although I fantasized about group sex, I didn’t get into cuckolding until I met Nick, which was two years ago. From the beginning, he told me his fantasies. Though I found it strange at first, that he wanted to share me with other men, later, I began to tell him fantasy stories about me cuckolding him.

Finally, I decided to give it a try in the real world, and found a bull on my own. One day, I texted Nick and told him I had a date.

I had no idea it would turn him on as much as it did. That night, when I got home, we fucked through the night and he came six times. Add that to the three times the bull came, and as you can see, it was a hot, hot night!

Nick: I’ve been interested in it since I was 17. I always had fantasies of my partner having sex with another guy. I think it started when I heard a story about our high school quarterback’s girlfriend. She’d found out he cheated on her. They were at a party one night and she snuck off with a guy and gave him a blow job. Afterwards she quickly found her boyfriend, gave him a big kiss and asked, “How does that taste?”

I think the fantasy keeps me in touch with the reality that Elise is a free woman, with her own strong sexual desires. I’m fortunate that she directs them at me. 

Question: I want my girlfriend to be more open to cuckolding, but she still has some concerns. How did you find your way to a hotter sex life?

Elise:  Nick and I have always had a very hot sex life. We played with fantasies and toys from the very beginning. We both came from sexless marriages, and had pretty much given up on ever having a sex life again.

But when we met, we were electric, and we realize it takes a lot of imagination and creativity to keep it hot. We’re both thankful we found each other.

Give your girlfriend some time. The most important thing to realize is that fantasy is different from reality. You’ll both be dealing with a lot of real feelings that maybe you won’t anticipate. That’s what Nick and I discovered. You will need to talk about it–a lot. I’m think Nick and I will play with cuckolding again, but probably only at sex clubs, and not with an ongoing relationship. It’s too complicated.

And for now, it’s very hot just whispering cuckold fantasies in his ear as he fucks me. 🙂

Nick: Listen to her concerns. She is not openly saying “no,” so the first step is to assure her you care about her concerns. I tell Elise over and over that I only want her to do this if she wants to do it. It’s fine that a part of her loves that it turns me on so much but there also needs to be something about cuckolding that she likes, that turns her on, otherwise it’s not going to work.

The most important thing is that she knows she can back out at any time. A lot of Elise’s concerns are about how I’m really going to feel. I think deep down she has a hard time believing I’d really cherish hearing her tell me, “I really wanted him. I loved the way he sucked on my nipples. His cock was so thick I had an orgasm when he was in me. You’ve never done that.”

We found our way to hotter sex by being honest and respectful. I’ve never been so sexually open with a woman I love. Chastity has also helped. I don’t ever orgasm unless I am with Elise. My sexuality runs through her and our relationship. I no longer masterbate unless she wants to watch me do it. Under her rather conservative, serious, quiet nature, Elise is a very sexual woman who loves being desired. If there’s a basic turnon she has about cuckolding, it’s that she gets to be desired by another man.

You don’t need to jump all the way in to cuckolding but can work toward it in fantasy play. Your girlfriend could make up a story about a hot guy she noticed at work, text you that she coming home late from work because she has a date, or even get on one of those anonymous chat lines and have some hot talk with a stranger while you listen. You could also create an agreement that for a period of time you’ll pretend, you’ll play at cuckolding, but no actual sexual intercourse will take place between her and another guy.

Question: What’s too complicated about an ongoing cuckold relationship ?

Elise: I don’t want any feelings involved on either side. THAT’S when I feel like I’m cheating. And although Nick would like me to be with someone I care about and who cares about me, he does deal with feelings of jealousy, and I don’t want to deal with that. For me, it takes all of the fun out of it. Also, as I said, both Nick and I have had relationships where the partner fell in love and wouldn’t let go. That’s the last thing I want. That’s why I’d rather have it be a one-time event, at a sex club or something. We get the thrill, but none of the hassle.

Nick: I’m not for a cuckold lifestyle. I could see us possibly, possibly having a bull who was tuned into what we wanted, played with us every once in a while and then it was over. He’d have to be a pretty mature, down-to-earth guy who had a solid life and who we both trusted, and who completely understood and respected our boundaries.

Even if we found him, for me, cuckolding is an erotic/submissive space I go to with Elise, that space has a beginning and end for both of us and then we go back to being exclusive and equals.

Really what we want is a mfm threesome, with a guy who might be somewhat dominant to touch Elise’s submissive side, who is hot for her and I watch or wait outside submissively. Some would say that doesn’t make me a true cuckold, but anything more than that, at least at this point, and I’d struggle with jealousy, insecurity and want to know everything Elise was saying and doing with him. Elise wouldn’t want to deal with that. She’d shut it down and I don’t blame her.

Watch for more questions and answers later!

For now, if you’re interested in knowing more about our journey, we’ve written it all down in our “creative non-fiction/memoir” about our cuckolding experiences. Click on the book covers below to purchase the Kindle versions from Amazon.

Adventure #1

$0.99 on Amazon

$0.99 on Amazon

Adventure #2

$2.99 on Amazon

$2.99 on Amazon

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Book 2 is Out: Return of the Bull

Return of the BullHere’s an excerpt from our second Sexcellent Adventure series:

“Take your clothes off and get on the bed,” he demanded.

I was surprised at his coolness, but turned on, too. I like it when a man takes me, does with me as he pleases.

“Spread your legs,” he said, kneeling in front of me on the bed. “Then touch yourself like you do when you think of me.”

His boldness surged through me as I did as I was told. My right fingers spread my lips apart, explored my pussy, teased my clit, while I grabbed my breast with my left hand. The closer I came to cumming, the harder I pinched my nipple. All the while, I watched Robert stroke himself.

“Now move your hands,” he said as he came toward me, and before he even entered, I could feel him inside me.

He pulled my legs over his shoulders before plunging his cock into me. The angle made him go deeper and I screamed in ecstasy and agony.

To purchase Kindle version on Amazon ($2.99) click HERE.

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New Book Out: Nick and Elise’s Sexcellent Adventures: The Cuckold

Our first eBook is available on Amazon!

NE Amazon Cover

Click on cover to purchase from Amazon.

In this first adventure, Nick and Elise explore the world of cuckolding.

Nick and Elise Sanders are two real people who, after years of repressing their sexuality with other people, feel fortunate to have finally found a loving partner with whom to share fantasies, desires, kinks and most important, love and intimacy.

They do have other careers aside from writing erotica, but writing (and, of course, sex) is their passion. One day, they asked, “Why not combine the two?”
It was then that Nick and Elise began to put their fantasies, even their realities into stories to share with others. Though they have personally experienced many of the scenes included in Nick and Elise’s Sexcellent Adventures, some of what they’ve written is pure fantasy.

They leave it to you to decide which is which.

Click HERE to purchase from Amazon.

 

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Bare Naked Truth

ELISE SAYS:

Last night, as with most nights, after we got into bed, after we finished talking about whether or not we’d be able to bear watching the next episode of Tudors–the beheading of Anne Boleyn, after I snuggled into Nick’s bare chest, inhaled his scent, felt the warmth of his body send shivers through me, his hand began to wander over me, along the curve of my waist, over my hips, to the slight roundness of my bottom. Next, he meandered to my belly, then down, down, to that part of me that always swells and throbs as he approaches.

But last night, the closer he moved toward the hideout of my little sex nub, the harder I tried to hide my smile. Soon, he’d discover my surprise.

FullSizeRender (3)

I’m not sure what happened first, the pause of his hand over my velvet spot, his slight gasp, his widened eyes or his smile.

“You got waxed,” he said, eyes still wide. “You’re so soft!”

Of course, I knew how soft I felt, because I’d already touched myself. Soft as velvet? No. Silk? Maybe. There aren’t many things on this earth softer than a bare, naked  . . . uh . . . I always get stuck here.

What word to you prefer? Nick and I call my sexy central processor a vagina. But I’m sure many find that word too clinical. Anyway, you get the picture.

I was bare–as naked as could be.

There was a time when I’ll admit, I thought it was kind of weird, gross even, that men liked a bare . . . okay, okay, I’ll say it . . . pussy.

What–you want me to look like a little girl?

But, as anyone who reads this blog knows, Nick and I like to play and experiment. With Nick, I feel the freedom to be open-minded, because I know he’s not going to hold me to something I’m not comfortable with.

So, early on, I began waxing my vagina/pussy/twat/beaver. And there was no landing strip to my man cave. No, I went all the way–bare naked.

And I love it.

At least for the first week. Then, of course, I have to deal with stubble, which I hate, but Nick still loves. You see, he loves everything about my vagina. What a lucky girl am I!

Still, I’ve told him that during those few days between silky smooth and the appearance of soft, short pubic hair, the stubble makes me feel uncomfortable and unattractive. So much so, I’ve thought about stopping with the waxing and letting it grow out to it’s luxurious softness again.

But, I feel more exposed (and that makes me feel sexier), even cleaner when I’m bare.

So, now, I’m seriously considering laser treatments.

Stay tuned!

 

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My Possessiveness

NICK WRITES:

Paddle2Yesterday, Elise spanked me.

With each smack of the paddle, she had me recite these words several times, “You are not mine, Mistress. I don’t own you.”

We had argued the night before about an email from an ex-boyfriend, and after awhile, I finally confessed to her that I’m possessive. I really didn’t think I was that possessive, but events of the past three weeks reminded me that in some ways I am very possessive and very much inclined to want to control.

Here are three thoughts I have about why I feel so possessive:

1) I am closer emotionally, sexually and physically to Elise than I’ve ever been with a woman. I’ve been head-over-heels, crazy in love with her since the start of our relationship, a year and a half ago. When we are connected, I’m buoyant, happy, contented, soaring with sexual excitement or the pleasure of release.  When we are not connected, I usually feel a slight anxiety, a need to get back to her. Our relationship is probably symbiotic, in the sense that I am dependent upon her for a great deal of my day-to-day happiness, and dependent upon her for the deeper more intoxicating exhilaration that comes from being her submissive and her cuckold boy.

2) The second reason I am so possessive is because Elise is a great catch for me. She’s an excellent writer and artist, she’s open-minded, intelligent, kind, affectionate, physically beautiful, likes to laugh, sensual and enjoys D/S play as I’ve described. The latter is no small issue for me, as in both of my previous marriages, neither of my wives ever engaged themselves in D/S play and both stopped being sexual. I turned to porn and cheated in both relationships to get my sexual needs met. Elise is kinky. She likes to play and I think that makes me all the more possessive of her.  She’s a great catch.

3) The third reason I am possessive has to do with not really knowing where Elise stands at times. She has a difficult time saying “no,” to others, as well as to me. There are times when I’m hoping to connect, filled with anticipation and she’s not available. I’ve learned that at times she’s said “yes” when she really wanted to say “no.” This has left me feeling a little unstable and sometimes missed, left out. How could she not have known how crazy I was to hear back from her? I think a lot of this is the result of my world being a little more filled with her than her world is filled with me. I don’t mean that in any way as a measure of commitment. She has more friends and family she’s connected to than I am. And hey, I’m her submissive boy. And though in the real world we are equals, I’ve asked for this in some ways. A good submissive waits for his Mistress.

As much as my feelings may be hurt when I feel missed, I would never want to harm Elise’s sense of independence.  It gives me room to feel my desire, to let it grow, and for my chastity to chafe a little. I want to foster her strength and genuineness and I’m sure not going to do that by whining when she doesn’t call when I expect her too.

So I hope Elise and I can work on this together. I hope she can be strong at times and say “Hey, buddy boy, bend over for another spanking. I’m not yours. You don’t decide what I do or who I see or when I see them.”

Those words make me quiver, and remind me to keep on walking through my possessiveness because I believe the more I can let go, the more our love will open to wider expanses, and to a more genuine, deeper trusting commitment.

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